a little place where i share what i've been up to (o ˘◡˘o)

july 1 2024 | mood: hungry | currently: working...

today i am working on my to-do list. i finally made a custom cursor for this site and feel satisfied with it. it feels nice to make an update like that! i plan to make a map for the entrance page as well. i doodled an idea on a scrap piece of paper last weekend so i hope to work on that this week. i am also working on building a website but i likely will not be finished with it until the end of the month. i am planning on building it so that it sits within this website seamlessly, and you don't have to go to a different website to browse.

besides that, i am working on some prints for this friday's benefit show, Menace vs. The State. after that i will just be working on my own work, and planning a swap-don't-shop. jackson and i are moving in august so i will be focusing on selling what we don't need or swapping it for something we do. more later, i am gonna go eat some lunch now.

april 9 2024 | mood: lazy | currently: trying to feel motivated

there's so much to do, but i don't feel motivated. there's so many things i need to plan, so many things i need to share. i feel so lazy and uninspired. i'm definitely swinging towards feeling reclusive, after march was so full of activity and learning and community. now i want to hide!

i swing back and forth often. my to-do list did not get finished, not even half way. i fell asleep early and when i woke up this morning, i could have maybe done something on my to-do list, but instead i just watched tik toks. i don't watch tik tok everyday, so i shouldn't be feeling hard on myself... but i just have a lot to do and no motivation to do it. i am gonna continue to plan my day now, it's 9:30am. i still have plenty of time to do whatever i need to do. this was actually one thing on my to-do list that i accomplished! look at that...

so, i am working on a comic for the gutter, zine reviews for /library, and planning workshops. wish me luck.

march 6 2024 | mood: inspired but also mush-y | currently: scheming

i've been sick since march 1. i had a fever for 3 days and it finally broke on the 4th. i still feel congested and snotty but i'm much better than i was. it's a weird thing, being stacked with to-dos, events, and hang-outs, then suddenly you have to just stop and rest. and then you're alone with yourself, and i'd like to think that i'm a mentally strong person, but i kinda cracked... always something to work on, right? my self-esteem is low, but i did have a bit of a break through. i have struggles with hating myself, but i had the thought that this world makes me hate myself. i constantly struggle to fit myself into capitalism. my brain can't compute how to operate under these systems. i look around me and see people doing well under these systems, they don't question it and are productive, even while having kids or other responsibilities. and, here i am, struggling to just keep up with one job, take care of myself... and meanwhile, having breakdowns at my work desk when i can't keep up. it makes me think, "i wish i were normal."

i think about my body, my gender, and being neurodivergent. these things shouldn't make me hate myself. but these are the things that i feel get in the way of me feeling 'normal' or just being able to operate in society. they become hurdles that i have to try to jump over to get through the day, the month, the year... instead of pieces that are part of me. they bcome parts of myself that i resent because it makes my life harder to live. but that wouldn't be the case if we lived differently. it's not me that's fucked up. it's this imperialist, capitalist death-machine that's fucked up. no one should be forced to do anything for 40 hours a week just to be seen as worthy of food, water, and shelter. let alone sit in front of a screen for that long. what's messed up, is some of the most important, most laborious jobs (like farming) are the most underpayed (in this country) and, the most dangerous!

it makes me feel like i wasn't meant to be born, like i wasn't meant to be here. but, if i lived in a world that didn't rely on global capitalism to spin, i would be existing just fine. can you imagine? a different world? i can. it's the one i was meant to be in. the one we were all supposed to be in. why must people have power over one another? why must there be a superior? i am a god but only unto myself. i don't wish to be ruled or be a ruler except of myself. don't we all want to make decisions for ourselves? to be empowered in the decisions we make for ourselves? i don't understand power structures, heirarchy, or celebrity. what makes you so special? your access to capital? how well-known you are?

february 19 2024 | mood: content | currently: thinking.....

this last weekend, I attended Saint Pete Zine Fest, hosted by SPC x Print St. Pete

it was wonderful! I connected with so many new people and got so many amazing goodies. I am feeling closer to myself than ever before.

ANTI was a hit, i am so happy people are resonating with the project and want to submit. it's so refreshing, and as scared as i feel, i know connection and community building is good for me. it feels nerve-wracking!

I also gave my talk, entitled zines x politics. I am going to upload it for view here tonight. I was gonna upload it last night but it got so rainy and i was so tired and bleh, i didn't get to it. BUT! I am actually so proud of myself, i didn't hit every single little point i wanted to, but i had a 30 minute window and i filled the entire 30 minutes without getting sidetracked! wild! and so many people came to see it! WILD! the strong community connection i felt this day is unrivaled. i can't wait to share it with you!

i also got a zine from my lovely friend Tiara, @passionpowerhouse. this zine inspired me to get back to CARE Collective, albeit slowly....but it reminded me that i want to create what i want to see in the community. i had such anxiety about going back to it before i felt like a failure for not being able to juggle it all, for becoming sad and unmotivated. but i believe what i am doing is worthy and necessary for the future of my life.

i feel more stable than ever (knock on wood) so i think i have the energy to get back into where i am needed.

next, ill be working on ANTI volume 2, a non-binary bicyclist zine, and threads (read more about the threads project by clicking here). i am waiting to hear back about a grant opportunity as well as a job opportunity. i will keep you posted.

december 31, 2023 | mood: scattered | currently: in my studio

I recently rearranged my studio, cleaned up, and redecorated my walls with old and new prints. I also hung up my calendar from print st pete, which I have already began to color code. I want to build a routine in which I get home from work, put my stuff away, go to my desk, and turn to the calendar to see if I need to accomplish anything. I want to set up a word count goal for my graphic novel I think, but I think I'm going to ease that in after I start back up at work and get myself regulated back on that schedule. I am feeling deflated but I am continuing to look forward and cope by collaging, planning, and reading. Its tough to turn my head away from all that I have built with the podcast and care collective but I can't do it all, its not sustainable. I look forward to giving myself more time to sketch and work on outer world, while volunteering with food not bombs.

november 30, 2023 | mood: content | currently: at work

today is a slower day so i am working on building out my library and adding in books from my goodreads library. i want to tranfer all of my info from these other website here, so it's basically a home for most of my stuff. i like sharing with people and i hope that there will be atleast a handful of people who like this site and browse it. i want it to be something that people can return to as well to learn new things or find out about new content/media. i've been feeling more inspired but also a little bogged down by daily life stuff. but i am making a ton of time for fun in between all of the mundane: having big potluck meals with friends, trading and reading zines, and riding bikes around town. i hope that feeling of fun and exploration can be found here on this website as well.